Friday, August 3, 2012


I now have a new title in life. I am a stay-at-work-dad.

I love to work when I leave and I love to be dad when I'm home. So what exactly do I mean?

Let's look at a day in the life of our family's stay-at-home-mom:  

She takes care of the kids and house from rise to rest. Let me be more specific.

  • Up all night worrying about sleeping kids
  • Up all night taking care of said kids that should be resting but have to pee
  • Up all night trying to find something she can leave muted on t.v. to help her go back to sleep before other said resting kid loses Pooh Bear or wants a drink
  • Awakened around 6:30AM by at least on kid saying: "Drink please, mommy.......oatmeal too!"
  • Brew a pot of coffee
  • Segue from breakfast to the youngest child stating, "Need to go pee!"
  • Segue into oldest child, now awake and alert, demanding to do dishes in order to save money so he can buy some desperately needed game
  • Due to a lack of sleep, suddenly surprised to learn the clock on the oven is accurate and her sense of time is skewed - camp for oldest kid actually started 5 minutes ago, not in coming 55 minutes
  • Put animals in their place, strap on shoes, grab essentials and leave in 3 minutes
  • Hang out with youngest child before picking up oldest (on time this time)
  • Drive home to "eat" lunch, knowing in reality she'll be the chef, server and kitchen manager, and of course the last to eat (if at all)
  • Argue, again, why they will take a nap
  • Lay down and several minutes later wake to the doorbell
  • Lay back down and minutes later the phone rings
  • Lay back down and minutes later have a door-to-door salesman ring her doorbell: "Um, yes, I'm offering to remodel your home for $1,000..."

  • Decide to stay up and plan the afternoon, then realize there's an emergency outside, like the mulch bed is on fire!
  • Play fireman with her neighbor and go back inside
  • Turn coffee pot back on to reheat original pot
  • Realize the 2hr nap is over as she hears both children say, "Drink please, mommy!"
  • Wishes she could put on Curious George reruns all afternoon, followed by Dinosaur Train, followed by Word World, then turn on Netflix, but realizes she has to go to the store for ingredients for dinner
  • Plan a menu, feed the cat, water the dog, issue a spanking or two, resolve another argument, and reach for coffee cup. No creamer in the fridge
  • Come home from the grocery store and begin prepping dinner
  • Fix a boo-boo from outside
  • Fix a broken ( ____ ) that can't wait
  • Go to the bathroom for the first time that day
  • Re-reheat original pot of coffee (still haven't had her first cup)
  • Start dinner, clean remaining dishes and pick up clothes, shoes and toys throughout house
  • Husband comes home and takes off shoes
  • Actually leave the house by herself for a 1hr Zumba class, then find her spot has been hijacked
  • Come home to eat cold dinner she prepared 2hrs ago
  • Fight off kids for bites of her food because they are again hungry
  • Help husband help kids brush teeth
  • Help husband find PJ's that fit, then help husband dress kids
  • Help husband put kids to bed
  • Put kids back in bed for next hour while trying to talk to husband who is already "losing his mind"
  • Go to the bedroom and put clothes away she picked up 3hrs ago
  • Turn on t.v., turn off lamp, start to fall asleep
  • Wake to husband's snoring and bed bullying tactics
  • Move to the couch and wake up at least one child when the door closes
  • Repeat...
 Let's look at a day in the life of our family's stay-at-work-dad:
  • Gets up at 6:00AM and quietly get ready
  • Wake up at least one child, accidentally, while looking for keys or as first phone call rings throughout the house
  • Go to work and brew coffee
  • Spend 30 minutes checking online news and Facebook from previous night
  • Talk to adults
  • Go to nice lunch with a salesman
  • Relax in private office as needed throughout the day
  • Leave work at 4:00PM
  • Turn on Netflix when wife goes to Zumba (a.k.a. hang out with kids)
  • Eat dinner when timer goes off
  • Expel a huge sigh of relief when wife comes home from Zumba
  • Ask wife for help with brushing kids' teeth
  • Ask wife for help with finding PJ's that fit
  • Ask wife for help putting kids to bed
  • After kids go to bed tell wife EVERYTHING that happened that day; in detail
  • Go to bed and sleep through the night
  • Wake up surprised to have bed all to himself
  • Repeat...

Our stay-at-home-mommy is a rockstar. Let me rephrase that: ALL stay-at-home-moms are rockstars. Ron Burgundy once said, "Hey, leave the mothers out of this!" But they deserve respect and honor owed them.

I have trouble expressing myself verbally to her, and I feel I rarely give her the kudos, praise, love and real respect she both deserves and earns each and every day.

My life would be a mess without her.

I have managed our house for a entire day by myself and I wouldn't take that job if you paid me. I love our kids....but seriously!

I will remain, therefore, a part of the workforce and stay-at-work-dad, committed to my family and my sanity.

(dedicated to my wife, best friend, and partner Kylie)

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