Wednesday, December 26, 2012


A recent article form The Telegraph (UK) cites something pretty interesting regarding the role of "dad" most men are absent from these days. The article states:

"When it comes to Christmas, it might be safe to assume children will ask Santa for an extensive list of toys, games and treats.

But a survey of their typical lists for Father Christmas has shown many have more serious concerns, requesting "a dad" instead.

A study of 2,000 British parents found most children will put a new baby brother or sister at the top of their Christmas list, closely followed by a request for a real-life reindeer.

A "pet horse" was the third most popular choice, with a "car" making a bizarre entry at number four.

Despite their material requests, the tenth most popular Christmas wish on the list was a 'Dad'" (Furness, 2012).

Now, my initial reaction to this is that of the classic line from Ace Ventura, "Leh hoo ze herr". How in the world could things have gotten so bad that children, in the UK at least, would put a DAD near the top of their list for Santa Claus?

Seriously, stop and think about this for a moment. If you grew up with a father I bet you could think of 100 things to ask Santa for, and when you ran out of ideas of the things you would like to have, a dad wouldn't have even been a flashing thought in your mind. Perhaps "spending more time with dad" would make a distant spot in your top 50, but just simply "DAD" as an average top 10 placement -- that points to a serious problem. My wife said that she remembered her father (a business man) telling her something to the effect of "All you have to do is just show up on time and do your job...that will make you stand out!"


Perhaps there were several participants who had lost their fathers prematurely to an illness or accident? Perhaps this points to the "collateral damage" of gay marriage? Perhaps this gets at a deeper issue, one that some might simply write off as an "unintended consequence" of science interfering in biology?

We could inductively seek the answer, and that's just what our society does these days. We (at least the media) search for the cause behind the effect. Just like the shooters in Connecticut, Colorado, Fort Hood, and Columbine, we seek out every possible missing variable to solve the equation. And while that might be good, I can't help but think that sometimes we just simply don't want to deal with the reality of the situation. Our society today is going into a moral decline.

Granted this study was conducted in England, but can Americans really vouch for the men in their own country as being much better; on average? Ethics, manners, hard work, and taking responsibility seem to be missing from the equation today. It almost sounds antiquated and sad to suggest that our schools need to teach etiquette, but it used to be taught in school. I can assure you that such subjects are being taught to our kids. Call us old fashioned. It is pathetic to even think that children need to be taught how to earn their lot in life, but our society seems bent on breeding a nation of people knocking on their neighbor's door with an empty plate in their hands expecting it to be filled, not a rake or shovel in hand asking if they need any help.

Are these sentiments really just too old fashioned? Am I barking up a tree that was planted in the 1800's, or am I on the cusp of tomorrow's great awakening? Men in general need to get with it. Grab a shovel when you get home tonight, walk next door, (if you have kids take them with you!) and clear off your neighbor's driveway. Not because you think the widow inside will give you $20 so you can go buy lottery tickets, do it because you want to model hard work - or God forbid a little charity - to tomorrow's generation. Do it because you are young enough to still do it. Do it because you are out of shape and need some exercise. I don't care what the reason or motivation is that you find, just do it!

Do you remember the PSA/commercials that said, "Take time and be a dad"? I can do them one better. How about "Take time and learn to be a man" first? How about that, America?

Furness, H. (2012). Retrieved December 26, 2012 from site;

Friday, December 21, 2012

Snow, wind, ice, Walmart hell, spilled milk: but most of all thanks

Last evening was the first of what I hope to be many wonderful years of Christmas time memories. We decorated Christmas cookies. I know, I know, that's so cliché to say. Isn't decorating cookies as a family a requirement - at least once - while your kids are young?

There's something so magical about the build-up to the moment. If you're family is like ours, you go to the store to buy the ingredients because you don't have them in the cupboard like most. One person takes the kids (in this case it was me) while the other stays at home making last minute preparations, and the one doing the shopping calls the one at home to ask what ingredients are needed, only to have to wait for the person at home to get on Recipe Czar and find out.

Once you get to the store, in our case it was Walmart, you walk the aisles of the grocery section finding the perfect ingredients. Passing the baking powder, you spend five minutes looking for vanilla, you forget about the sprinkles and various colorful toppings, you go to the back of the store to get the butter, come back to the front to find candy, and eventually you have it all...once you go back through the middle of the grocery and find the baking powder. Then, after you find all of these ingredients, you realize - just in time - that you don't have cookie cutters. So you walk nearly every square inch of Walmart looking for cutters only to find that they placed an entire aisle of Christmas cookie decorating supplies, complete with cookie cutters (and baking powder), in an aisle next to the linens. Of course! Towels, picture frames, cookie supplies.

After you fight through the throngs of the other 2,000 last-minute gift and supplies shoppers, pay for your goods, get the kids' coats back on, and dredge the cart through the slushy wintery mix that blasted your town during the past hour of Walmart hell, you can finally head home to begin your homemade Rockwell Christmas.

Inside, Tony Bennett, Harry Connick, Jr. and Barry Manilow adorn your Spotify playlist. You find your rolling pin that was thrown in the back of the cabinet after regretfully doing this last year; you clear off the counter top and the magic begins. Batch after batch of crispy golden Christmas delight comes out of the oven. The kids are hopped-up on cream cheese icing by now, the tops of the sugar sprinkle canisters are clogged with icing because your youngest - if he's like mine - can't quit doing sugar shots with them, and momma is already dreading 4 more batches that daddy is preparing to pull out of the oven.

Then it happens. The final cookie is frosted, sprinkled, and topped with a non-traditional Hershey's Kiss. The kids are shuffled down the hallway to the bathroom to have their faces, hands, forearms, foreheads, hair, ears, necks, elbows, and bellies, wiped off before going to bed. They crash from the massive sugar high they have been riding, the house quiets and mom and dad get some time to clean up and have a couple of cookies in peace.

But there was something about this year that made me pause over and over, whether I was in Walmart jockeying for those Hershey's Kisses or pulling the icing spoon from my youngest child's clasp again and again. It was a thought that caused me to continuously give thanks to God for the blessings and memories we were enjoying before our eyes, and not get hung up on a messy kitchen or frosting-stained children and clothes.

It was the thought of all of those who don't get the opportunity to spend Christmas with their children this year. While I warm my bones from fighting the slushy parking lot at Walmart to go home and decorate cookies with my family, many families on the east coast have no home at all. While I dig my cart of kids and groceries through the snow, 28 graves are being dug in Connecticut. The list of analogies could go on and on, but I wanted to take a moment and ask you all to be thankful during the busyness of the holidays.

Be thankful if you are able to watch your kids open presents around your tree on Christmas morning. Be thankful if you have those 4 or 5 basic ingredients for a batch of cookies, as well as the basic ingredients that make a complete family. We can go crazy and flip out over the proverbial spilled milk, or we can be glad that we have little ones after which to clean up. We can go crazy and flip out over the long lines at Walmart, or we can be glad that we have the funds and resources to go shopping. We can be filled with anger and a little bit of rage while we drive 20mph below the speed limit on our way home in windy and icy conditions, or we can be thankful that we still have a house to walk into and call home.

Take a few minutes after you read this to pause and give thanks.

Merry Christmas!